tonight, the sky is underneath us

14.6.09

what is sometimes high-frequency suffering about being musician

I feel as if I should know and recognize all sounds straight-away. This is what I do, this is what I payed to get educated in. It's why I sit, coiled and high-strung, my pencil trembling, during dictations. Why do I have to think about some things so hard before I understand what they are? Why is there so much harmonically and rhythmically that I can't take down in a matter of second, and shouldn't I understand what I hear?

Also, why does something so intellectual also have to be so physical? It's terrible when it feels like your instrument doesn't fit in your body anymore, or your limbs and lungs are crushing the instrument and no sound comes out. It's a terrible dream, that's what. And at least a little dreary.

On that note, to hell with it. I'm going to convince people to watch a movie.

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